Thursday, September 30, 2010

I have a confession to make...

I need to admit something to you all... I'm nervous...

I'm nervous (maybe even a little scared) for my marathon. In just two+ short weeks, I'll be running the Nike Women's Marathon, in a city I've never been to, and with a group of thousands of unknowns. I have the typical first marathon nerves, what will it be like? When or will I hit a wall? Specifically for San Fran, how bad will the hills be?

But, I've also been suffering injuries throughout my training, and that has me worried as well. As, I told you all, I've had a great physical therapist helping me out through this training, both mentally and physically, and I have a great doctor as well.

However now, do in part to me pushing myself too hard (i.e. being Type A), and also in part to my lemon of a body, my bursitis I spoke of back in July, has reared it's ugly head again after recent long runs. And this, makes me nervous too.

In fact, today, I went and got a big ass shot right in my kisser (while technically, my hip) of steroids to settle down my bursa sack for the race. I've had waaaaaay too much exposure to needles lately with this, and then the kitchen cutting incident. Luckily, there's a lot more cushion for the pushin' on my backside, so this shot didn't hurt nearly as bad as the finger one.

I've been told by my doctor and PT to hit the pool and water jog for the next 10 or so days, and just do one short run on the pavement the week before the race. I've even been told to lay off yoga for the next few days, holy crap!!

So, this is when I get irrational, and I know it's irrational, but I can't control it. As much, as I want to finish this marathon, and have that personal accomplishment, the first thought it my head when I was told these things was, "well, what if I gain weight from the lack physical exercise in the next few weeks?"

Ughhh, I get so mad at myself for thinking this way. Even though I know I wasn't blessed with naturally thin genes, and that two weeks won't have me packing for fat camp, and that swimming IS great exercise, I get all up in my head. So, I keep having to remind myself, "eye on the prize woman, San Francisco," and that crossing that finish line will feel better than any yoga class or strength training session I could ever do in the next two weeks.

Another point of apprehension for me, running this race alone. My worst long run, was when I tried to do it all alone, granted it was on the streets of Minneapolis on a random Saturday, which are nowhere near the setting of a race day.

Luckily, the Nike Women's Marathon set up a facebook page for runners to chat with each other. Although many of the women on this page are posting the "bring it on!!" posts, I knew there had to be more women like me out there With one post, I had a few women respond to me who are also running alone, or running interval style like I do, and want to run together and we're arranging to meet up. I cannot even tell you how happy I was to receive their messages!!

So, I'm not going to lie, this post was more for me, than you today readers. It was me, putting all my fears out there, outside of my head, about this race, and my first marathon. Because yes, I'm nervous, but I'm not terrified, and more than being nervous, I'm excited. I mean, I'm going to run a marathon. One day, I'll show my kids the pictures of me crossing the finish line, and I'll be so proud to tell them, "your mom did this, and you can too."

So, I guess maybe that's the difference between others and me. I'm not fearless. Whether it's about running, my career, or my personal life, and I'm not afraid to say it. But, I'm not going to let my fears stop me either. Not now, not ever.

**For my readers who are not runners, please bare with me over the next few weeks, as there will be some pretty running centric posts, but don't worry, I'll still throw in recipes, and other random life crap.**


LutherLiz said...

I have no advice other than to listen to your body and that you'll surprise yourself on the day of. Good luck! We'll be routing for you!

Jen, a priorfatgirl said...

I'm with Liz, I don't have much advice but love that you are listening to your body and not pushing it. I wish I could fly out to San Fran and cheer you on -- but I'll have to leave that up to Ben!

Anonymous said...

Alexa- my 2 cents well....maybe more ;)You're doing the right thing by listening to your body! Stay focused on all that you've done to prepare for this event. What your'e feeling is more of the norm than the abnorm! Here is a link hopefully you'll find helpful- it discusses pre-race anxiety: