It starts around this time every year, the first 80 degree day, and it emerges, deep from the heart of Uptown, it slithers it's way out of Cowboy Slims, maybe makes a stop at the Drink, and then heads down Lake Street to Lake Calhoun, the Lake Calhoun Shirt Monster, and last week on my run around the Lake, I saw that the monster had indeed, struck again. That's right folks, he's baaaack.
The shirt monster creeps up on men who think that once the temperature hits a certain degrees fahrenheit they must strip off their shirts, and show the people who decide to dwell around this dirty, inter-city lake that while you were polishing off the Christmas cookies over winter break, they were hitting the gym (then, there's the ones who think they were hitting the gym, and that is even scarier). While you have the Scandinavian, translucent color reminiscent of a Minnesota winter, they were hitting up Darque Tan like it was their second home.
You won't see this at most other lakes in the area to the extent you see it at Calhoun. You won't find these guys in high numbers just around the bend at Isles, or up the hill at Lake Harriet, but Calhoun has enough foot and car traffic in the area that the these men feel the need to give way to the Shirt Monster.
However, disgusting and ludicrous so many of us think these men are, don't fret, come sundown, the shirt monster retreats. So these men throw on their button up Express dress shirt, or Ed Hardy t-shirt and head to the Stella's roof top to buy mojitos for unsuspecting women.
The Shirt Monster must also be closely related to the "look at my butt there's writing on it" Fairy, who also appears this time of year and strikes women with big and small back sides alike, but seriously... don't even get me started on that.